do you know what this is? this is a CHEESE SLICER.
AND WE DON’T GET WHY THE REST OF THE WORLD DON’T WANT TO USE OUR BRILLIANT INVENTION
WE HATE THE FACT THAT OTHER COUNTRIES CUT CHEESE WITH A KNIFE, POOR PEOPLE, YOU MUST BE STRUGGLING SO MUCH NO WONDER THERE’S STILL WARS TO BE FAUGHT
WHAT IF YOU CUT TOO MUCH AND THE SLICE IS TOO THICK?? OR TOO THIN AND IT’S NOT ENOUGH??
THE PROBLEMS WOULD’VE BEEN SOLVED WITH A FUCKING CHEESE SLICER COME ON PEOPLE
There are three ways to fall down stairs in anime
Someone make me this.
Anon starts the crow wars
I feel like this is the sort of shit God pulls.
you know you’re really fucked in a scary movie when the crucifix falls over
like there goes jesus
even jesus is done with this shit
"2 spooky 4 me"
*parkours off the mantlepiece*
((Except parkour is not a verb. It comes the original French Le Parcours “the course.” It is a noun. Stop.))
*parkours into your room and knocks your shit over* no one cares
i can’t handle the bald guy he doesn’t even try
oh my gosh it’s back
I laughed at this for like an hour the first time it was on my dash
The bald guy is driving the boat. It’s like he realized he fucked up and deserves whatever punishment Neptune deems fit
nature never intended some creatures to meet
Don’t leave home (and your couch/Snuggie/Netflix fort) without it!
Step 4: Flirting
First, pick your target. They say we’re most attracted to people who look familiar, which is why we often go for people who look a little bit like us. Save some time by printing out a selfie and holding it up next to every guy in the bar for comparison. Found the boy version of you? Time to turn up the charm. Here’s a tip: Offer him a delicious hard candy. It will subconsciously make him think about old people, and old people have cumulatively had the most sex of anyone, because they’ve been alive and doin’ it for the longest.
my friend left her window open in her bedroom and came back to find this
look at his self-satisfied little face, the cheeky shit
if there was a post to describe australia, this is it
you mean to tell me this isn’t even a pet bird?
that in australia, you have wild birds that just fly from house to house with the express purpose of fucking shit up?
fucking HELL australia, what is wrong with you?
wake up australia
That’s what birds do
They fly around and fuck shit up
Do you have some kind of mysterious nice birds in your weird foreign country
Do birds in America and England fly into your house and make the bed and tidy up the living room a little bit
It’s cold here, so they just bounce off the windows and lie there and twitch spasmodically while you look for the shovel.
Basically hurling themselves at windows is the worst thing birds do
yeah man a kookaburra literally flew into a classroom at my high school and just sat his smug ass down on top of the desk for a good 20 minutes
why has nobody mentioned the fact that in australia there are 3-4 months a year where everybody just accepts that they’re going to get attacked by magpies. It is literally called “swooping season” and these birds will fly down to peck your fucking face, and people get their eyes ripped out and shit, it’s fucking brutal.
My teacher had to go to hospital and have surgery because of swooping season. It was in the parking lot of school and all the kids would do a mad dash towards the car as the magpies tried to kill us.
no but when you’re 12 years old and riding your bike like mad on the way home from school with an icecream bucket on your head with like branches and shit sticking out if it to scare them off and none of this is considered strange
what the actual fuck australia
Yes, hi I’m under arrest.
I’d like to fuck the police.
yes id fuck him